I Do: How Young Is Too Young?

Most people say it’s best to wait to get married, but I don’t understand why. It seems like the only people who give that advice are the ones who are single or who have just had an unsuccessful relationship. Some of the arguments people make against young marriage are that you don’t get to travel, you’re not mature enough, you’ll always wonder what else is out there, and it will be too hard to finish school. I understand their concern, however, if you’ve know your with who you’re going to marry, why wait until an “acceptable” age? What is the appropriate age to get married? When I say “young” I mean around nineteen or so, I don’t mean sixteen.  I feel like a couple should get married they know that they are ready and can handle it. That age is going to be different for everyone. Why can’t you travel and see the world with your spouse? I would much rather do that then go places by myself. Also, you can’t put an age on maturity, everyone hits that point at different stages in their lives. If you know you’re in love and you want to spend the rest of your life with your partner, you’re not even thinking about what else is out there. As far as finishing school, I see it as always having that extra help if you need a late night study session. I feel like there are so many benefits to getting married at a young age. It is also better for having children. If you get married at a younger age you will be able to be more active with your children for a longer time. That will make for a strong and close family. Also, you’ll build a life together without having so many broken relationships or bad experiences before-hand that could mess up the marriage. On a personal note, my parents got married at nineteen and they are just fine! I don’t think age has anything to do with a greater of chance of getting divorced, that all depends on the couple. As long as both people have jobs and know how to support themselves, why not go ahead and get married instead of waiting on the people around them? Nobody should be able to tell you if you are ready to get married, they have no clue. I mean seriously, what is the point in waiting?

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4 responses to “I Do: How Young Is Too Young?

  1. Most people say it’s good to wait so you don’t “rush love”. I guess there really is no specific age once you’re legal to get married, however you shouldn’t suddenly get married as soon as you get in a relationship, because you may not know its the right person. Yes in your parents’ case that is awesome, however some people want marriage for the sake of marriage and don’t consider that they are going to be with this person for the rest of their lives. Yes marriage is a beautiful thing, however you should wait for the right opportunity to screw something up rather than just rushing into it. You need to REALLY know you love that person. Not have the person say “I love you” a month into a relationship then 4 months later get married (Because that short of time.. how do you know?).
    Many people also wait for marriage because of financial issues as well. For example, my boyfriend and I are getting married after college– yes we could get engaged now and what have you, however we are both waiting till we finish our schooling and have a suitable job standing before hand. Many divorces probably happen because of stress situations such as these as well at an early age. I can honestly say I am in love and I know who I am going to marry but as a couple, we both decided to finish our schooling and become financially stable– what I personally think is a smart thing to do.

    It’s different for everyone and I too think people should marry at a young age. In general it’s more of “How long have you actually known the person” to determine whether you should marry them.

  2. I really like your point. The main thing is how long you have been with with your partner. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people that rush into marriage just for the title. In several cases I know, a couple has gotten married to get away from their home life because of family issues. As far as financial issues, I feel that it’s up to the couple to decide if they can handle it. A lot of people don’t understand that even if you’re young, you can still be financially stable and mature enough to get married. Personally, I have been with the same guy since middle school and I am tired of people trying to tell us when we’re going to be ready to get married. I know several people who have gotten married during college and it went just fine! I very much agree with you that it does take time to know if your ready for marriage. People should make sure they know the history of the relationship before trying to “coach” the couple.

  3. The specific age at which it is appropriate for people to get married really depends on the couple and the culture that they live in. For example, over a hundred years ago in the USA, it wasn’t uncommon in some regions (particularly the South) for people to get married in their early teen years. Many would argue that there was a different level of maturity that was expected of young people of that era. Perhaps much of this trend of waiting until later in life to get married is due to the stereotypical American viewpoint that people today are not “grown” until they’re out of college and have a “real job” and/or married. In modern American culture, adulthood is something that is procrastinated. Perhaps much of that has to do with our culture’s view on aging; youth is glorified. If we never grow up, then perhaps we’ll never be “old.” Perhaps that plays into why some people are waiting to get married.
    Going back to your specific topic: Because of the high divorce rate, many young people are encouraged to wait to get married. Much of this probably stems from the fact that we, as stereotypical Americans, tend to live with a “the grass is always greener” mindset. This viewpoint can be problematic to the young and in lust, umm.. I mean love. Granted, there are some couples who would do just as well getting married at 19 as they would at 25, but they are generally considered the exception.
    I see within your argument that you didn’t mention the extra stresses that many young married couples have: more bills, the possibility of babies (if they wait that long, that is), and the detachment from parents/family that often occurs. With these added factors, it often makes it difficult for people to continue their education. As for the sake of the children, I have seen cases where young parents have more problems with child raising than older parents due to the smaller age gap. I’ve seen older parents (35+) who have raised very productive and well balanced children due to the extra wisdom that they were able to impart because of their life experiences. Also, some young parents aren’t mature when they have children (aka babies having babies.) This can sometimes be detrimental to the children if the parents are immature and haven’t finished “living up their glory years.”
    Having said that, I do believe that marriage is a very beautiful thing. Much planning and wise counsel should be underwent before rushing to the altar, for most of the time (not ALL of the time) meeting and marrying within six months doesn’t turn out too favorably. It is therefore best for the individuals involved in the relationship be mature enough to handle married life “in sickness and in health, for better or worse, richer and poorer,” and not regret the decision.

  4. The question that rises here is how do you know that person is the right one? I can’t remember many boys I dated and said “oh yup they are definitely not the one” until we broke up. And now that we have broken up I see how blinded I was. With age comes understanding. I understand Watts’ point that a couple should be able to marry whenever they feel it is right but I would be cautious on who you say this to. Many young, immature, kids might not know when it is right. This will result in them jumping into marriage without true consideration, which normally results in divorce. And America has high divorce rates already. I however do not agree that it is good all around to marry young. When one marries they add costs to their bill. These are difficult to pay off when one is trying to begin a career or if they are still in college to pursue one. Also, if one has kids at a young age they must consider payments of daycare for while the parents either work or go to school. It is a stressful time at the start off career or at the end of school. This will most likely result in less time being had to spend with kids. One last question: if you know said person is the right one and you are going to be with him/her for the rest of your life. Then why don’t you just wait? You will be with them for life so what is the rush? I do not think getting married at a young age is a bad thing. I feel one should make sure they and their soon to be spouse should consider all factors, good and bad, before deciding to get married at a young age.

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